Bureaucratic nonsense – or how cookies are going to end the internet

Today website developers in the EU (not including UK for the time being) have to inform users explicitly that they are about to place a cookie on their machine.  They will then need to inform the user that they need to set another cookie on their machine to remember that they have given permission to set the first cookie on the machine.  What.The.Fuck?

Poor Google Analytics

Google Analytics is going to be most hit.  They have the biggest slice of the tracking pie, so how do they set about tell a visitor they are about to set a cookie on the person’s machine.  Or I take it the law will make the website owner state that Google is going to do this?

Poor people that delete cookies on browser shut down

If you clear the cookies from your browser session when you close it, then every time you visit a website you will be asked all these yes or no questions.

That’s just a bit of a pain in the fucking ass.  Stupid European Law makers sitting on some high seat in Brussels over thinking the internet and how they can control it.  Fuck off and leave us alone.

Solution?

It will be hard.  If you are a .NET developer you will know that Session variables can use Cookies.  You will need to change that straight away.  You can use the database solutions, but that’s not really easy to do.  Cookieless URLs become nasty to deal with and will really impact site.  Although I suppose if you are using Session cookies you are probably an application and will be exempt from the regulations.

So my solution would be for the some sort of super cookie.  One that is based on a certificate of some variety, like SSL that shows on the browser chrome, so you get warned that a cookie has is about to be set – a red flashing button.  The user would then click it, a message appears “can this site place the cookie [yes/no]”, with javascript/browser functionality pausing until an answer is given.  Am sure the browsers can tell when new cookies are being set.

Or the really simple option is…if you don’t know how to use your browser, to stop all cookies being set by using Private Browsing mode or the security features already built in, then get off the internet.  You should need a licence to be allowed a computer 😀

Rant not over, more will surely appear.

5 thoughts on “Bureaucratic nonsense – or how cookies are going to end the internet”

  1. A complete and unobtrusive way to implement this would be simply to use Google Analytics. As Google is American they are not subject to EU law, when your site tracks using Google its Google that is doing the tracking and placing the cookie, not the owner’s website. So technically it would mean tracking would not need consent.

  2. That’s where it starts to get a little grey. It could be classed that it is up to the owner of the website to inform that user about the cookies that third parties might place.

    As Google as HQs and servers all around the world, so technically they are an American company, they could be classed as working in the EU, thus subject to many EU laws.

    Bit of a pain the rear!

  3. So which browser will be the first to have a setting to automatically answer ‘yes’ to the stupid questions?

    This it what happens when people who don’t know how the fuck to use a web browser make laws.

  4. If you ask me (almost a year later 😉 ) this crap is pretty much along the same lines as the old “click to view Flash movie” brilliance that the courts insisted on a few years ago…

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